One Year Down..

As I sit back and think of how I felt this time last year, my emotions were a wreck. I had no idea what I was going to experience the next day as tomorrow would soon surface. All that I knew was that our family was being ripped apart. The media twisted the situation and details around to make you seem like some heartless person out to only do one thing who at by dawn the next morning, succeeded. Truth is, that's not at all how it happened and I know without a doubt in my mind you didn't ever mean to hurt anyone. I have so much that I want to say yet so much I'm holding myself back from saying. I know if certain individuals got a hold of my thoughts, things could possibly be harder and tougher for you and I, in no way want to do that. Truth is, I miss you. Every single day I think of you and wonder what you're eating, how you're sleeping, if you're smiling or if you're crying. I wonder what thoughts are running through your mind and I wonder if you truly know just how much you're loved. It tears me apart to think of how your days go, the details of your schedule gives me chills. To know, that whenever a day might seem like it's taking forever or going slow to us, it's multiplied in that feeling for you. The things I heard and the sights I saw 366 days ago today won't ever be forgotten. The look in your teary eyes when you turned to Kayla and I and mouthed "It will be okay" still plays over and over in my head. I see it clear as day. I heard all the details, I watched your tearful, heartfelt apology and I also watched as the lady who I will leave unnamed didn't give you once single glance. I can't imagine how she felt or how any of the family felt but they just have to know your heart and they just have to have heard the details and know that you, my cousin did not mean for things to happen the way they did. They have to know and feel in their heart that it was an accident as the majority of us in that courtroom know without a doubt ourselves. I feel those that should be held accountable aren't and well, you now have given up so much of your own life for the fear of not having one at all. I can't fault you for making that decision, I just selfishly wish things didn't have to have the duration that they were given. Yes, we can still talk to you, visit you and write you while her family cannot and that alone tears me up. Like I said, I can't imagine how they feel or what they're going through. I pray the days are getting easier for them but that doesn't change the fact that I feel in my heart you have been done wrong, too. Simple fact is that both families have suffered, are suffering and will continue to suffer for a long time. I will forever cherish the letters, the short phone conversations, the visits, the hugs and kisses and more than anything, the memories before our family was torn apart. I am proud to say you're part of my family and that I stand by you. I love you more than words can say. Stay strong and know that we'll all be together again someday.

Forever in our hearts, always on our mind. <3 MJC, I love you!

Remain Craver Crew Strong.

March 2011

March 2011

December 2011

*Those of you close to me and the situation will know all the details to this post, those of you who don't please just disregard and know that I needed to just take a moment to type out my thoughts. <3h